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Your Mama is So Fat:
1. When she hauls ass she has to make two trips.
2. When she dances she makes the band skip.
3. When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 13 years to live.
4. Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
5. When she goes to the zoo, the elephants throw her peanuts.
6. Her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
7. Her driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."
8. She has to iron her pants on the driveway.
9. The back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
10. All the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons, or your Mama.
11. When she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
12. Instead of Levis 501 jeans, she wears Levi's 1002's.
13. When she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
14. She was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
15. She's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
16. She could sell shade.
17. When she crosses the street, cars look out for her.
18. People jog around her for exercise.
19. I ran around her twice and got lost.
20. She gets runs in her jeans.
21. Her blood type is Ragu.
22. When she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
23. If she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it!
24. She has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
25. She can't even jump to a conclusion.
26. She broke her leg and gravy dripped out.
27. She went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
more:
When she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...
She once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!
Folks exercise by jogging around her!
When she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.
She sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy
She makes Kiko the Whale look like a Smartie
NASA plan to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer
She was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm...
Small objects orbit her.
She makes olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.
When I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.
When she farted she launched herself into orbit.
She lost a game at Hide&Seek only because I spotted her...behind Mount Everest.
When I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of Petrol!
She could be the eighth continent.
She nearly put Safeway out of business
The only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.
Her college graduation photo was an aerial
When she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.
She makes Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.
Her favorite food is seconds.
Her belt size is Equator.
She eats Desert out of a Trash Can lid
When she wears an 'X' jacket helicopters attempt to land on her
She shows up on radar.
She needs a map to find her butt.
She fell into the Grand Canyon....and got stuck!
She wears an asteroid belt.
Her Passport photo says 'Picture is continued on the other side'
She has TB ... 2 bellys.
She's once, twice, three times a lady.
She was in the Daily Record last week on page 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.
The circus use her as a trampoline
Stunt agencies use her as an air mattress
When she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'
She got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screen
She once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!
She deep fries her toothpaste.
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