different. It was supposed to go the other way. We were supposed to
take civilization down with us.”
“How were you going to do that?” the man said. The others
gathered around to listen. Partment’s lunatic stories captivated even
them, they who had already seen so much, who were already
somewhat mired in lunacy.
The old man stretched his arms wide. It was time to let the cat
out of the bag. “Explosives,” he confessed, “And a hand-picked group
of cadets to man them.”
“Us, you mean?” the deputy replied, pieces of kiwi tart falling
from his surprised lips. Having just grown accustomed to this life of
relative comfort, he did not want to have to lose it so soon.
“No. Not you. You were only one branch. Sending you guys
around to ticket cars was how I got the money to finance everything.
But you’re not guerrillas. You’re more like chimpanzees.”
“Who then? The coffeehouse people?”
“No, no, they’re too soft. No. The people living at the halfway
house.”
“Those weirdos?” said a poor drunk who suffered from bipolar
disorder and facial psoriasis.
“They’re not weirdos,” Partment replied proudly, “They’re
maniacs.”
“Really? They seem pretty harmless,” said another, “All of
them?”
“All of them. I’ve managed to assemble a crack team of
psychotics, all with blood on their hands. And all diagnosed with the
same terrible illness.”
“What illness is that?”
Partment sat back and allowed himself a generous fistful of
barbecued beans. The red sauce dribbling between his clenched
fingers afforded him the aspect of an Aztec priest holding a freshly-
dissected human heart. Thrusting the glop in his mouth, he chewed
violently and said, “How the hell do they barbecue these things?
Wouldn’t they just fall into the coals?”
“It’s the sauce,” someone explained, “What illness?”
“Oh, right. They all want to save the world,” Partment said,
chewing, “They just don’t know how. That’s where I come in.”
“And you want to save the world by destroying civilization.”
“Yep. Golden age, here we come!”
“Geez,” said a bum, taking all this in. “I thought I was nuts.”
ABYSSINIA
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