Oliver Benjamin
unselfish destruction. This may have been a party, but it was also a
political one.
“Finished,” he said, punching the enterkey. “Computers,” he
spat dismissively. The controlling satellites of a world gone mad. But
still, one must fight fire with fire. If not for computers, he would
never have found that coffee bomb recipe Colin mentioned. He
reviewed the email. Yes, it was fine.
TO: Morris Bidden, Biddenbrooks, et. al.
FROM: Your adversary
RE: Give up the ship
This is to let you know that there will be a bombing at one of your
Biddenbrooks franchises exactly two weeks from today at 3:00 P.M.
You must evacuate all your stores for the safety of your patrons and
staff. This will continue until you change your policies in the following
ways so as to effect a more humane cycle of wealth and global well-
being:
1) Stop deliberately crushing competing coffeehouses.
2) Stop advertising. It is unfair to the little guy and it clutters the
mental and physical landscape.
3) Only buy coffee from farms which pay their workers the American
minimum wage.
4) Only buy coffee from ecologically-sound coffee companies.
5) Only make a modest profit (50% mark-up instead of the 1000% you
have now.)
6) Morris Bidden must resign as CEO and give all his stock to charity.
He is a thief and a murderer and must give back what he has taken. If
he agrees to kill himself as well, that would also be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
The adversary
Bean Unbearable looked at the email. “Beautiful,” he said, raising his
bowl of beer soup in a toast.
They were all now all taking beer soup for breakfast. Before
coffee was introduced to England, the English ate beer soup for
breakfast and, ergo, were drunk all day. Then came coffee, and with
it the Industrial Revolution. The way Partment saw it, things had
gone downhill ever since. So the denizens of Hell Dorado gave up
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