She looked askance at him. “Bean,” she said, “Do you remember
when we were addicted to junk?”
“Sure,” he said, “No. Sort of.”
“Do you remember my excuse for doing it?”
“Yeah. You said you were broken in half and it was the glue that
held you together.”
“I’m broken again. This time, I think, for good.”
“You look fine to me.”
“I thought you said I looked like shit.”
“Even when you look like shit, you look good.”
“Bean,” she said after a long pause, “Why did you send those guys
over to rape me?”
“I didn’t. That was their own initiative. They thought it was the
right thing to do. Revenge for me, I guess.”
“For leaving you.”
“Yeah. They’re pretty loyal. More than some.”
“I had to go. Things weren’t the same after.”
“Sure. You were never very good at being bad. How’s the good life
treating you? Saved any souls lately?”
“I don’t know. I’ve tried.”
“Feel like you’ve paid your debt?”
The flow of tears increased, widened. The salt kept the pond’s
freshwater fish at bay. “I don’t expect to ever feel that way,” she wept,
“I could save a million people and it wouldn’t make up for the one I
took. The two I took.” She fingered the scar on her belly.
“That bitch behind the counter should have just forked it over
like you told her. And also…” he clicked his tongue, “I probably
should have told you the gun was loaded. As for your baby, you did it
a favor. Who wants to be born into this shitty world?”
“Please leave me alone,” she said.
“I’m not going anywhere. This is my hiding place too. And I’m
running from something bigger than a bad conscience.” He put his
hand on her breast.
“Don’t touch me,” she said.
“Why not? I needed some saving too. I loved you. I cut out my
navel to match yours. I did everything for you. Why didn’t you help
me?”
“You didn’t want any help. You only wanted to take me and the
rest of the world down with you.” She pushed his hand away.
“Maybe you didn’t try hard enough.” He tried to touch her again
ABYSSINIA
350
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