last resident. That was my father. He claimed that he and his
ancestors had been pushed around and relocated far too often, and
he would stand firm. This was for him a holy land, and as its
patriarch he could not allow it to be sold.
“Since it was impossible to have a single residential home in the
middle of a business district, the city technically coded this as
business property but were forced to allow him all the freedoms of a
residential plot. Therefore, though it was considered business
property, it was also his home and so he was allowed to enjoy the
benefits of both.
“My father died a year ago. He willed the property to me, with
stipulations. It can never be sold, and it can only be passed down
through the family. I am my father’s son. I will not disobey him. So
as inheritor of this place and its special considerations, I am fully
within my rights to sell coffee and at the same time to give away
alcohol to visitors and permit nudity in my own home. Those of you
who have drunk coffee have been charged for it. Anything else you
want is up to you. Here, I am your king. Welcome to my country.”
A cheer went up from the crowd. Gleefully, they kicked at the clay
feet of the concrete giants.
The frustrated police issued several citations for marijuana
possession, and reluctantly left, vowing that if the story didn’t check
out, they would be back. They ducked under the low doorway and the
party took off once again. As he came off the bar, a small crowd
formed around Roy, congratulating him on his victory and an
unprecedented circumvention of convention. Even Partment was
impressed.
“God made the law for man, not man for the law!” he said to Roy,
“And you’re theman.” His endearments were always typically
patronizing.
“And you,” Roy responded politely.
“I heard about your behooding, by the way. My condolences for
your foreskin. Couldn’t they have just sewn it back on?”
“I don’t need it.” Roy shrugged.
“Yeah? Then why are we born with them?”
“The doctor said they’re great for eyelid transplants.”
“I think it’s barbaric, slicing off a healthy part of the body,”
Partment rejoined dismissively. “But if you’re Jewish, why didn’t
they do the deed when you were a child?”
Truthfully, his penis was the last thing he wanted to talk about
ABYSSINIA
60
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