Oliver Benjamin
sunlight, and its long, leaning trunk made it a far easier climb than
the numerous vertical trees on the beach. Tree cut off a long, thick
piece of vine from the undergrowth and handed it to me.
“Here—tie this around yourself and the tree in a big circle and
use it to help you climb. You can rest your back against the vine if you
get tired.”
“What if the vine breaks?” I asked.
“Then grab on to the tree! Do I have to tell you everything?”
It was surprisingly easy, really. I managed to shoot up the
smooth stalk like a chimpanzee, and it wasn’t until I was almost to
the top when Tree yelled up that I was doing fine that I ventured to
look down and realize that I was being cheered on by a tiny, purple-
eyed insect.
“Oh my God.” I gasped to myself and threw my arms around the
trunk in a panic. The vine ring twirled down the tree and to the
ground below like a lunatic hula hoop.
I was in a very bad situation. Even on Tree’s face I could see a
look of consternation. Mind you, I had to squint to see that
expression. High above the sand, which was not soft and talcumy
enough to break a fall of five stories, I clung shivering with fear that
I would die without ever tasting the wonders of coconut milk. I tried
to make my way down, but it was too difficult. My only options were:
a) stay there for the rest of my life like a stuffed koala b) fall to an
untimely death which would pre-empt my previously scheduled
untimely death, or c) climb further up so that I could at least throw
down a few coconuts that Tree could use for my funeral luncheon.
The last option seemed both the most courageous and the most
pleasant. As I continued to climb, I heard Tree cheer me on for my
bravery. Little did he know that I was really just making matters
worse.
In one brave impulse, I managed to knock down about four
coconuts, but after that, I became paralyzed. Every time I tried to
make a descent, the momentary feeling of falling—no matter how
slight, would stop me cold.
“Tree! Help! Get me the fuck down
from here!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.
“Stop screaming so loud, or the rest of those coconuts will fall on
your head,” came a voice from just a few yards underneath me. I
glanced down and saw an amazing sight: Tree appeared to actually be
walking up the side of the tree the way Spiderman walks up
buildings.
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