CHAPTER 4
The first boat I found was headed for the holy land, so I took it. What
better place to meet your maker than the digs he was rumored to
hang out? I had purchased a D-class ticket, which meant that I was
supposed to sleep on the deck. If I had known this when I bought my
ticket, I might not have been so cheap, but the cabins were filled and
I was without any choice. Of course, part of me felt like throwing
myself overboard but I was not brave enough to do that. I remember
sitting miserably in a little corner I picked to be my bed for the next
three days, staring into the darkness of the Mediterranean,
wondering if I had done the right thing, and believing that I had not.
Sobs welled up in my chest, and I did my best to fight them off. At
some point I put my head in my hands and started to cry.
After a while I became aware of a strange presence next to me. I
held my breath for a second to stop the sobbing and wiped my eyes
to eliminate any evidence of tears. Glancing up to see who it was, I
shrunk back. It was a crazy-looking guy in a bright orange Hawaiian
shirt with wild curly long blonde hair that was thinning in front and
a silly grin spread out on his bony face. He looked like a clown
without makeup. He was staring right at me, making no bones about
the fact that I was weeping—even laughing a little! Most people
would have either feigned ignorance or offered condolences and ask
what was the matter, but this nut was mocking my grief. I wanted to
slug him, but the face was so absurd and the grin so cheesy that I
couldn’t help but laugh back at him.
“Ha! I got you to lighten up mate! See, whatever it was couldn’t
be all that bad. You looked like you were carrying the weight of the
world on yer shoulders. Well, set your baggage down, friend, and
take a swig from my bottle.”
He offered me a half-empty fifth of Ouzo liquor. I hesitated, and
then took a solid tug.
“That’s better, old boy! Hang out with Dr. Yippee tonight and I’ll
make sure you get your medicine administered properly. What’d you
say it was that made you so sick in the first place?”
“Just a girl,” I answered.
“Of course—what else? They call them the weaker sex, but they
BIG AMERICAN BREAKFAST
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