Oliver Benjamin
provide nothing for the upwardly immobile. But he was giving them
a different game to play.
“So level with me, Paul. What are you going to do with all these?”
He put a hand on his friend’s shoulder and intoned, “Imagine if
you please, Niles, marijuana growing wild, all over the city. It will be
arduous to eradicate, and impossible to resist. Like an army of
Johnny Ganjaseeds, we’re going to recreate the garden by hand and
foot. We’re going to sow our way backwards into Eden.”
From that point on, everything did indeed seem to go backwards
for Paul Partment.
A group of policemen suddenly burst in with warrants. “This is a
bust!”
The homeless threw up their hands. Hundreds of seeds spilled
onto the floor and it sounded exactly like applause. Wasting no time,
the police set about arresting everyone, slapping on plastic
handcuffs, chanting the Miranda mantra.
“On what charge? On what charge?” Partment screamed.
A well-dressed, broad-shouldered police detective walked up to
Partment and laughed in his face.
“Are you Mr. Partment?” he said with the faintest hint of an
upper-class Latin accent.
“I am,” he admitted, “Are you the brainwashed minion of a
murderous empire?”
“Paulie Partment?” the detective said.
“Er, yes…”
“Nice to finally meet you, Paul. I’m Detective Spada. Do me a
favor and show me how you write your name,” he said, handing him
a pen.
“I want my lawyer!” Partment screamed.
“Ah, but you don’t have to,” he said, picking up a piece of mail
resting on the counter. “Strange spelling, don’t you think?” he said,
handing the envelope to another officer.
“Poli Cede Partment,” the officer said, “What’s that, Polish?”
“No, but in fractured Latin it could mean ‘The state surrenders
the territory.’ And yet while I believe that this was Mr. Partment’s
goal, this is not why he chose to call himself by such a ridiculous
pseudonym.”
The debonair detective drew some slashes through it to show
how the letters should be grouped and showed it to the officer.
“Police Department,” he said incredulously, “That’s your name?
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