Oliver Benjamin
need a position of influence here. Vice-Honcho is what I’m talking
about. What do you say?”
“After an initial probationary period,” he replied. “I was getting
tired of running the show by myself.”
“My name’s Paul Partment. Paul Partment’s my name. You can
call me Paul Partment.”
“Cheers, Paul. My name’s Bean Unbearable.”
Partment looked at Bean Unbearable and smiled in good-
neighborly way. What was it that was strange about him? He couldn’t
figure it out. But then he looked down at the beer proffered to him
and he saw it: Bean Unbearable, this chiseled, darkly dangerous man,
rippling with muscles and scars, without an ounce of fat on his belly,
was also without a belly button.
2. Martians
The interview with Alex Bard helped put a chink in the armor of
Biddenbrooks. Though outwardly visited by hordes of people each
day, inwardly some of those patrons were growing uncomfortable
with their support of the looming corporate monolith. They had
fallen prey to the paradoxical imperative inherent in the marketing of
brands: Convince everyone to buy the same stuff as everybody else to
exercise their individuality and freedom of choice. The Marlboro
cowboy, Folgers’ Mrs. Olson, and the Pepsi Generation all peddled
their drugs with that quintessentially American ju-jitsu: “Live your
life your own way. Don’t do what everybody tells you to do! Now do
as we say and buy our cigarette/coffee/soft drink.” It was a grueling
illusion to maintain, and required a great deal of complicity on the
part of the consumer. Unwilling to blame themselves, there was
nothing those consumers liked better from time to time than to bite
the hand that force-fed them.
Now it seemed they were getting their chance to roar. Sprout,
this indescribable beauty was appearing on news programs and talk
shows, trying to explain to the American public just how sinister
Biddenbrooks really was. People called in from all over the country to
voice their support, to lament the loss of their neighborhood
coffeehouses, to champion the rights of the bean-picking peasants,
and to sympathize with her and her friends for the terror tactics they
had been forced to endure.
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