“Cops! This-a-way!” the filthy man hissed, sprawled in the
doorway.
“Hey,” Roy cried out, “That’s the guy that put this ticket on my
car!”
The torpor in the room suddenly evaporated and everyone
jumped into action. A few grabbed the scattered parking tickets,
others ran behind the counter and began placing piles of slightly
different pink papers on the counters and tables. Then they all did
their best to look as crazy as possible.
A couple of officers stormed into the building with their bikes.
They peeled off their wraparound shades and looked around the
room as if unsure of what they were looking at.
“Can I help you?” Partment said gingerly, from behind the
counter, absorbed in his sewing project.
“Yes. Did you see a man come in here? A homeless-looking
fellow. Quite dirty. Big coat. Long hair. Unwashed.”
Partment frowned and pointed to an assortment of men
matching that exact description. They were sitting on the sofa with
their legs crossed, flipping through copies of Cosmopolitanand
Ladies’ Home Journal.
“We saw someone tampering with parking tickets. It’s a serious
offense. He ran in here.”
“You mean these?” Partment said, handing the officers a handful
of pink flyers. “I know its a bit deceitful, but you’ve got to be tricky to
compete.”
The officer looked at the flyer. It read:
BUY TWO MONTHS, GET ONE FREE!
ARE YOU OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE GOING CRAZY?
WHY NOT RELAX AT OUR
CENTRALLY-LOCATED HALFWAY HOUSE?
FULL AMENITIES. NO HASSLE. FAMILY ENVIRONMENT.
CONFIDENTIALITY ASSURED!
“We can’t afford to advertise on television,” Partment said
unhappily.
“Look,” the officer said, baffled, “We saw a man take a parking
ticket we had just issued off of a windshield and replace it with
something else. That’s illegal. We don’t mind you passing out your
own flyers, but you can’t take ours away!”
ABYSSINIA
32
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