CHAPTER 5
So I sat down and everywhere I looked I saw customers
of every description being received with love. To the
waitresses everybody was “honeybunch” and “darling”
and “dear.” It was like an emergency ward after a great
catastrophe. It did not matter what race or class the
victims belonged to. They were all given the same drug,
which was coffee. The catastrophe in this case, of course,
was that the sun had come up again.
KURT VONNEGUT, Jailbird
1. Underpants
Colin was inside looking around on the floor for something he had
misplaced.
“Sorry,” Leona told him. “Your mind is gone for good.”
“Can I help you?” Roy said.
“My underpants. I’ve lost my lucky underpants,” Colin griped.
Roy offered to buy him a pair. It occurred to him that underpants
with the Undergrounds logo might be a hot item.
Leona returned from the garden, holding a filthy rag in her
hands. “This them?” she asked. Holding the cloth out for all to see,
one could not imagine anyone admitting to wearing it against their
skin. It was a color that appeared gray only because it was mottled so
comprehensively by such a variety of stains that all the colors bled
into one. It had been shredded repeatedly and then re-sewn and
patched until it resembled a dense collection of hairballs held
together by lint. Colin jumped to his feet and violently snatched it
from Leona’s hands. One would have expected it to explode into a
thick cloud of vapor.
“You know, Colin,” Roy said, “I’m as sentimental as the next guy.
But sometimes it’s just time to say goodbye.”
“How lucky can a pair of undies be?” Bennie said, repulsed. “I
could get you an amulet or something.”
“You want to know how lucky these are?” Colin said, “When I hit
the playoff-winning home-run in high school, I was wearing these.
When I had my first kiss, I was wearing these. I was wearing these
when I got laid for the first time. Every major moment in my life has
ABYSSINIA
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