Within an hour we were packed and waiting for the night ferry. I
hurriedly said good-bye to my oafish compatriot, Hugo. We agreed
that we would meet again in the States and that he would fly me
around in his private jet after he made his first million. I took him up
on his offer and said I would count on it. He smiled and shook my
hand before sharing with me his ultimate words of wisdom, “Jake,
the only thing you can count on in this world is an abacus.”
I laughed and said, “I’ll never admit I said this, Huge, but you’re
a misunderstood genius.”
“Thank you very little.”
As I walked away, Belly, Helen, Helena and the two American
guys showed up to wish me farewell. They didn’t understand why I
was leaving so abruptly and I couldn’t tell them. I was terribly sad to
say goodbye, and as we kissed goodbye Helen would not let me go. I
told her I would see her again someday but I knew in my heart I was
lying.
As we boarded the ship, Oscar waved good-bye to his
congregation who tearfully cheered him like a departing warrior
going off to battle. The sun was just setting, and the brilliant red and
purple clouds made a perfect backdrop for his farewell address.
He called over the small crowd, “I shall return to share with you
the wisdom of my journey, and the bounty of my harvest. Remember:
only you can prevent forest fires of your soul. Screw the whales—save
yourself! You are your own messiah! Baruch hata automatic! Good-
bye, friends. My friends. I’ll be back in time for the second coming of
myself! Bye!” At Oscar’s wave, the crowd of Juddhist disciples went
wild and commenced dancing the Hava Nargileh.
“That was quite a send-off,” I said when he finally sat down in
his seat. “Aren’t you sad?”
“Yeah. Buddha-hoo, buddha-hoo.” He cracked. “Speaking of
sad, you’re the one who must be bummed. Your buddy Tree, I mean
Guzman, looks like dead meat. It’s too bad, really. He seemed like a
solid fellow.”
“He was,” I said.
The young woman who was sitting in the seat in front of me
suddenly turned around to face us. She was an animated Dutch
blonde who was furiously chewing her gum, as if it were an adversary
that given enough breathing space might actually bite back.
“Pardon me, but I couldn’t help but overhear you. Are you
BIG AMERICAN BREAKFAST
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