woman:
“Now let me get this straight,” said the Omniraja in his familiar
lamb-caught-in-a-sandblaster voice, “You checked the detonators at
the airport, but used aluminum foil to line the box, instead of lead foil
as I instructed you?”
“Well, I accidentally used the lead foil the night before to bake
some fish,” the woman answered him, “…oh it turned out marvelous,
let me tell you. Anyway, I thought aluminum foil would work just as
well. How should I know that airport scanners could see through
aluminum? I’m no scientist you know. My nephew Marvin on the
other hand is a brilliant doctor…”
“God damn you, woman!” interrupted the Omniraja. “How were
you ever selected for this mission?”
“Well,” she said huffily, “After my husband died I was bored. So
I joined the local branch of your cute organization. Harry was a
highly-respected member of U.S. military research. When the
chapter found that I had access to the models he worked on, they
recruited me…”
“Good lord, please shut up,” gasped the Omniraja. In the
moment of dull silence that followed, I tried to place the woman’s
voice. It sounded familiar. Just then, another voice from behind us
rang out: “Just what the hell do you think you are doing?” It was a
large German security guard. “Why are you waiting outside the
Omniraja’s door?”
“Oh, hi,” said Yippee casually, “We’re just delivering his
laughing gas, and we weren’t sure if we should interrupt.”
“It is no problem. You look as if you could use some assistance,”
he responded. “Usually the delivery workers are Indian, and there
are usually more of you.”
“Yes, we’re in a very unpopular exchange program,” Yippee said,
“It’s called ‘Work In India for Low Pay.’ It’s difficult to market
properly.”
The German just shrugged and walked outside with us. When
his back was turned, I signaled to Joe, now crouched in the bushes,
that everything was O.K. The guard helped us carry the first of the
heavy tanks, the one containing the liquid nitrogen, through the hall
and into the Omniraja’s office.
It was a grand room, with tall ceilings and baroque paintings
adorning the walls. The Omniraja sat slumped behind an enormous,
gilded desk, his wooly head in his hands, while bodyguards flanked
BIG AMERICAN BREAKFAST
220
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