Oliver Benjamin
feeding it to them. Shakespeare knew the correct way for lovers to
end up in eternity together, and this definitely wasn’t one. I buried
my face in my pillow and screamed as loud as I could for as long as I
could. And then I wept for a long time, crushed under the massive
burden of a fate that I could not budge, and a reality I could not make
unreal.
I laid helpless on my bed like a dog in the electrified cage. “I
quit,” I said, swallowing hard, “This is all too difficult, and it’s just not
worth the struggle. Game over, you can keep the quarter. All I ask is
that you give me the last little bit of strength to pull my own plug.”
Who was I talking to? I didn’t believe in God, and there was no one
else in the room. I must have been talking to myself. Suicide seemed
a pretty good idea in light of the recent circumstances.
Dying sure was hard work, I thought. Maybe it would get easier
with practice.
CHAPTER8
I awoke hours later, and by the way the sun peered through my
window it had to be late afternoon. Sitting upright, I wrapped my
arms around my legs, burying my face in my knees. What was there
to do? I needed to make a plan, and fast. The logical thing to do
would be to call my parents and then fly home as soon as possible.
There were probably all sorts of tests and stuff they would want to
give me and I would have to tell Charly so that she could seek
treatment. Pretty soon it would be all over town. Rumors would fly
that was dying of AIDS and that I was a drug addict or gay. I would
maybe have ten years to live, and that would be a lousy ten years:
toiling away at an entry-level job, and maybe receiving a few minor
promotions before finally getting promoted to the big executive suite
in the sky. Plus, I would never see the benefits of my labor. I wouldn’t
have enough time to start a family, or buy a house or any of the things
that are supposed to bring joy to meager lives.
No options and no ideas. The only thing I knew was that I had
to get out of there, and that I couldn’t go home. It was as if I was the
last person on earth, and that I had lost my map. The next few hours
were spent slowly packing my things and laying on my bed, staring
out my window. I listened for sounds outside my door. The carefree
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