Oliver Benjamin
inside of us, we must learn to listen.”
As I grew more and more frustrated with my inability to clear my
mind, he told me not to worry. I was taking my failure too personally.
It was an illness of the ego. He insisted that by learning to control the
mind, which controls the ego, we can learn to drop the illusion of our
own importance.
“The result of this,” he said, “does not weaken you, as you would
think. When we lift the burden of our importance, of our imagined
separation from the world, we become more wise and powerful
because we work with the world instead of against it.”
It was difficult for me to understand how giving up a sense of
individual importance would make someone more powerful, so he
offered me this:
“It is not that you see yourself as unimportant, but that you see
that you are more than just the small part of the universe that makes
up your ego.”
“And this is a good feeling?” I asked.
He looked dreamy for a second and with sparkling eyes said:
“Have you been in love?”
I tried to smile at the notion. “Yes,” I said, “Very much.”
“Well, the joyof love arises from the loss of the self when it
merges with another person and at the same time something bigger
than both of you. Is this not one of the most blissful and powerful
examples of the dropping of the ego? It is the same with the joy of
youth, the joy of dreaming, the joy we get from music.”
Two weeks passed, with the meditation sessions continuing every
day. Normally I would meditate twice a day for an hour each time,
but gradually I found it easier to control my thinking, and was able to
sit for longer periods. I became skeptical, however, that I would be
able to use any of this training in the difficult, civilized world. It was
easy to feel calm in a simple, bucolic place like this.
Haridas said, “Many people try to undertake the yogic
disciplines while still living in the pressure of their lives. It is possible
to benefit from this. However, if you want to really accomplish
something, you must temporarily erase your life so that you can
begin again.” He patted my hand. “It is good that you came here.”
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