Oliver Benjamin
It was horrible. When Kafka’s Gregor Samsa turned from a human
into a giant insect, readers shrank in horror. Metamorphosis was the
stuff of nightmares and horror movies, but it didn’t always have to be
a descent into creatureliness. It was equally disturbing when the
insect put on nice clothes and slicked back its hair.
“Hi guys,” said Colin. It sounded like Colin. But this was not
Colin.
“What happened to you? Are you okay?” Roy said uneasily. Here
was a man who lived and died by the sloth and slovenly, now slick in
sportjacket, shiny shoes and clean, combed hair.
“Were you attacked by fundamentalists?” Roy asked. His
surprise occluded his jealousy. Moreover, this was not the same bug
as before.
“Isn’t it early for Halloween?” asked Niles.
“Aw, you guys,” said Colin, gingerly sipping a cup of coffee.
“What’s in there, son,” Roy said, “Jim Beam? Johnny Walker?
Jack Daniels?”
Colin licked his lips, “Decaf,” he said.
They could not believe it.
“Did you join a cult?” Niles wondered, sitting down at the
counter next to him.
“No, fellas. I’m fine. I’ve never been more fine in my life. Though
I fear I’ve betrayed my beloved liege. Have I robbed you, Roy? You
must take my hand. Here.”
Colin extended a fat palm. Roy took it in his.
“No,” Colin protested, “I don’t mean shake it. Chop it off. I am a
vicious thief.”
“You’re not,” Roy said, letting it go, “She wasn’t mine to steal. I’m
starting to see that she’s an elusive vapor, like ether. The fifth
element.”
Niles put his arm around Colin’s shoulders. “I know you’re happy
now, so I hate to point out the obvious. But Roy’s right, she is a
fleeting thing and hard to contain.”
Colin put down his cup and wiped his hands with a napkin.
“Come on, Niley. I’m not stupid. Anyway, I’m not the romantic type.
She just helped me realize something, that’s all. You know, I was
always going on about living while being alive. I didn’t realize how
dead I was. I was alive, in a way, but my soul was buried.”
“You weredirty,” said Niles.
“Well, welcome to the new forward-looking Colin. Clean and
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