bloody eight hours, and being a sloshed wanker, I told them all sorts
of crap about me being in the Syrian military. It was just as well, I
guess. I had no money and no place to stay, so I slept in Israeli jail for
two weeks. When they finally figured I was full of shit, they
extradited me back to Australia for free.”
“So why didn’t you let us know you were O.K.?” I protested.
“Sorry, mate. See, by the time I got home, me relatives got this
report that I was dead and had already cashed in a life insurance
policy they had taken out on me. I couldn’t tell anyone I was alive.”
“Your family has life insurance on you?”
“Well, they figured that the way I live, it might be a good gamble.
I insisted that since I was the one who died, I should get a chunk of
the money. So I hit the road again and ended up here.”
I nodded gravely, “Hence the name change.”
“What are you, slow? My name isn’t Yippee—its Richard. No,
mate, I’m incognito right now for entirely different and more sinister
reasons than insurance fraud.”
As we walked, a beggar thrust a metal bowl in front of us that
was nearly empty, save for one small coin. Yippee took the coin out
of the dish, examined it and said:
“Gee, it’s awfully nice, but I really couldn’t take your last one.”
He tossed the coin back in the dish, and we kept walking to a
small Indian restaurant a few blocks from the compound.
Sitting down at the restaurant, we ordered spicy lentils with
rice—the dish that the majority of Indians eat for every meal of their
entire lives—and Yippee explained to me why he was now the proud
owner of three names.
“So, after I get my money, I go and visit Kip at the Palace
hostel—remember him? Yeah, he’s doing a lot better now that I
bought him some serious painkillers and put him on a plane for
home, but before he left I asked him where the best place in the world
to find women would be, and he said…”
“Thailand.”
“No, not Thailand! This place,dummy! What did you think—all
those rumors about free love were hype? This place is still stuck in
the late ‘60’s!”
“I haven’t gotten any nookie yet,” I admitted.
“Of course you haven’t gotten any—you’ve got to become a
member first! Then, well let me just say that it’s a good thing these
robes are easy to take on and off!” he laughed.
BIG AMERICAN BREAKFAST
178
 |
 |
 |
 |