Oliver Benjamin
CHAPTER 25
The stark white room seemed to tense as we all waited for the first
cathartic “share and tell” session of the day. Finally, the room relaxed
as a young girl began to speak, only to sag under the weight of her
tale.
“…I remember it all starting when I was about twelve. I was
trying out for the school play at the time which was Oklahoma.
Anyway, the part that I wanted was the lead—the pretty one who all
the boys liked. When I found out that I had been rejected after the
first round, I became really angry, ‘cause I knew that I had put on a
much better performance than any of the other girls, so I went to the
director to complain. Anyways, when I explained my case, he said
that I just didn’t have that je ne sais quoi, which he didn’t think I’d
understand, but I said, ‘well if you don’t know, then you shouldn’t be
a drama coach,’ right? So like, he starts getting pissed at me, and
finally when he can’t take it any longer he says, ‘Melissa, you didn’t
get the part because…’ and like he doesn’t even try to be subtle, he
just says, ‘you didn’t get the part because you’re too ugly.’
“I was so upset that I didn’t go back to school for three days.
That night, I decided that I wasn’t going to try to keep playing the
game by their rules. So I shaved off my hair, and painted my nails
black, and I put on all this weird makeup. When I came to school
three days later, no one recognized me and I didn’t care because even
though they still thought I was ugly, at least I wasn’t losing at their
game.
“But then, like things started to go really bad. I was hanging out
with a bunch of people who were playing the same game. Everyone
else at school shunned us like we were criminals or something, and
pretty soon it got be kind of a kick. Trying to be bad and freak people
out. Pretty soon, I being bad was the only thing I got any respect for.
So within a few years here I am doing methamphetamine every
morning and dropping out of school and getting pregnant and all the
shit they tell you not to do.
“So here I am a few years later in a rehab center and I’m
thinking how the fuck did I get here,and I’m looking at this fashion
magazine, right? And then, fuck, then there’s this article on new
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