Oliver Benjamin
to give up and try to sleep as well, but an older Indian businessman
addressed me before I could make an attempt to nod off.
“Excuse me sir,” he said with a perfect Oxford accent laced with
Indian lilt, “I couldn’t help but overhear your desire to understand
what it is that an ashram consists of.” I nodded. He explained, “An
ashram is a commune in which the members all live together and
follow the lessons of an exalted teacher, or guru. The two-thousand
or so official ashrams in India constitute a great portion of the
spiritual energy of the country, and offer a great deal towards the
achievement of spiritual potential. Like your supermarkets, our
country has done for spirituality what your country has done for, say,
fast-food products.”
“That’s a good thing?” I said. Fast-food religion sounded
somehow sinister to me.
“Surely!” he insisted, “More people have more access to
different types of spirituality than anywhere else in the world. It is a
great and beautiful thing. Are you considering visiting one of India’s
fine ashrams?”
“Well, I’m not sure if it’s one of the fine ones. We’re going to the
Omniraja Ashram International. You’ve heard of it?”
“Have I heard of it? The Omniraja Ashram is one of the most
famous in India. But I must impart to you that this fame is not due to
the pervasiveness of the Omniraja’s teachings as much as
the…ah…peculiarity of his messages.”
He seemed a shade embarrassed, but I pressed him to continue.
“Yes, well the Omniraja has had some trouble with public
opinion in the past. It seems that some of his group meditation
techniques were a little out of line with local sensibilities and that
many people requested he move out of town.”
“What was so unusual about them?”
“Well, the proper name for this certain controversial meditation
was referred to as, ahem…” he smiled clumsily in an attempt to
disguise his apparent discomfort, “Transcendental Masturbation.”
“No kidding.” I said, laughing.
“Yes no kidding. It was in all the papers. The ashram denied it,
saying that it was only a name, and that it derived from the
Omniraja’s theory that meditation could ultimately take the place of
sex, and become sort of a siphon for the earthly libido, but later there
were some reports from the newspapers corroborating the assertion
that some unusual sexual practices actually do take place on the
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