twenty yards. Actually, there wasn’t anyone within twenty yards. The
entire platform seemed to have fled from the crazy sahib. I was
pleased with myself.
Joe and Oscar approached me, shaking their heads. “Jeezus,
man. You scared the fuck out of me,” said Joe.
Since that is truly one of the greatest things a human being of
300 pounds could say to a person of my physique, I thanked him
earnestly.
“What a great trick,” said Oscar reverently, “I think it might
come in very handy in this country.” He hoisted his backpack, which
was nearly as large as he was, onto his back and suggested that we get
a cab out to the ashram. Since none of us were eager to suffer the
slings and arrows of outrageous torsion on a public bus, this was
agreed on unanimously.
But the cab ride presented its own share of horrors. Even worse
than Thailand, when it came to driving India was a completely
different world —a world in which there is no regard for the value of
human life, nor the laws of the road, nor the laws of physics. I prayed
silently to my boots, pleading with them for yet another chance at
temporary survival while the ancient taxi darted through bumper-to-
bumper traffic that reminded me of the bumper-to-bumper traffic in
Los Angeles, the only difference being that this bumper-to-bumper
traffic happened to be moving at something like sixty miles per hour.
We checked into a hotel just a few blocks from the ashram and,
though eager to examine the ashram, we were more eager to examine
the insides of our eyelids. After a three-day train ride, not only did I
need great deal of personal hygiene, but the traveling REMsalesman
had been knocking on my skull for a long time now and it seemed like
a great time to let him show me his wares. Before my lifeless body hit
the mattress, my mind was already tumbling into an enveloping
dream…
I am one of many rapidly dissolving marshmallows in a cup of hot
chocolate. Next to me, a fellow marshmallow is taking a stand and
trying to convince us that a better life awaits us, if we could just try
to drift to the side of the mug and bravely fling ourselves over the
edge of our world. A multitude of objections are heard from the
crowd, such as how do we know that there’s anything better outside
of the mug,and what’s so bad about lounging around in a bunch of
hot chocolate,and we’re not dissolving, we’re just relaxing a little,
BIG AMERICAN BREAKFAST
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