abuse I’m totally impotent. Please, you have to believe me! Please!”
“I’m sorry Mr. Rippy, there’s nothing I can do, I could lose my
job…”
“Please,” I said again, this time bowing my head and extending
a wad of cash.
She took the money and quickly counted it. Wordlessly, she
stamped an examination form with the conclusion HIV-negativeand
gave it to me, curiously, along with some of my money.
“Just to show you that I’m honest, I gave you some of your
money back,” she said, “the usual rate is one thousand rupees. Thank
you Mr. Rippy. Please send in Mr. Fortune on your way out.”
We decided that a little sightseeing would be in order since we still
had most of the day ahead of us, and starting the next day we would
be occupied full-time in the ashram. What we didn’t realize was that
getting anything done in a greater Indian metropolis, no matter how
minor, would be a major production. In the course of the entire day
we managed to accomplish only a visit to the “Gateway of India” four
miles away and the post office so that Joe could mail some postcards.
Thoroughly exhausted by the time we arrived back at our hotel
rooms, only Joe still had the energy to tie one on. After drinking a
healthy amount of beer in the restaurant, we watched him march out
into the Bombay night in search of a miserably good time.
The next morning Oscar and I awoke and leisurely set off for the
ashram. We knocked on, then nearly pulverized Joe’s door but there
was no answer. Assuming that he either had quite a night, or was still
having one, we proceeded onwards without him.
Upon presentation of our HIV test results, we signed various
disclaimers, including a liability release in the event of personal
injury and a promise that we would not bring any illicit drugs onto
the compound, not to mention that we would not write about the
activities of the ashram after our visit, something I had never
planned to do at the time.
We were then outfitted with white cotton robes. Oscar
complained loudly that this went against the tenets of his faith and
that it was a sacrilege for him to be wearing anything other than a
blue robe, which was standard attire for all Juddhist holy men (of
which he was the only one). After an ultimatum that he shut up or be
thrown out onto the street, he reluctantly stripped down to his blue
Friday underwear and donned the offending garment.
BIG AMERICAN BREAKFAST
160
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