accepted the offer on the presumption that this would be an unusual
opportunity to mingle with the locals.
Despite the fact that he felt a little out of place, the situation was
very agreeable. The ladies heaped attention on him, and it wasn’t
long before Joe started to suspect that they were in fact prostitutes.
It was either that, he surmised, or this giant, African-American
person was as novel for them as they were for him.
By the time the waiter presented the bill, Joe had consumed a
total of one and a half cups of tea and a sweet pastry. The others had
consumed modestly as well, and it was for this reason that Joe felt
that a grave error had been committed, as the check had been
calculated in excess of five-hundred US dollars. The most alarming
thing was that the bill was presented to Joe.
“Sorry Holmes,” said Joe, “I think you made a mistake.”
“No mistake,” insisted the waiter. “This is an exclusive
restaurant with premium prices.” When Joe informed him that he
was the guest, not the host, and that Ashok should be the one
responsible for payment, the waiter said “Who?” and Joe noticed that
in the confusion Ashok had conveniently split. In his negligence and
trust, Joe had apparently been exposed to a very bad case of the
cahooties.
The chair sailed backwards as the massive frame of Joe Fortune
shot up onto his feet, pressing a twice-barrel-shootgun(New
Orleans slang, explained Joe) made of fingers into the waiter’s chest.
He warned them: “Don’t fuck with me boys, or I just might ruin your
whole lifestyle.”
The average reasonably nourished Indian male was
approximately five foot five, 130 pounds. Just a shade bigger than a
breadbox. And generally speaking, in India the martial arts weren’t
what they were on the rest of the Asian continent, unless you
consider homicidal driving practices a martial art. Because of his
greater size, Joe didn’t consider himself in much danger of being
manhandled by the waiter or any of the other men in the room if he
were just to get up and leave, and despite the deafening and bellicose
protests of those concerned, that was exactly what he set out to do.
What our hulking friend underestimated was the tenacity that is
instilled in a man when he is reared in a habitat as challenging as
India’s and one in which human life is widely seen as merely a minor
annoyance in the greater scheme of things.
One of the men ran in front of him to block his exit, but Joe
BIG AMERICAN BREAKFAST
170
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